so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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