I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
