Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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