Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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