Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
