So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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