I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
