OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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