angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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