You really coming over, don't trick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
