Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
