6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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