Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
