I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
