I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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