There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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