She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
