I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
