Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
