yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
