i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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