it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
