The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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