I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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