When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
