He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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