my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
