Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
