Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
