so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
