I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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