question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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