I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize