Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
