If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
