i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize