Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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