just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
