He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The air was thick with penises
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
