The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
