He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
