It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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