capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
