It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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