Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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