I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
