I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
