I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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