I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
