I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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