Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
