I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
