You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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