it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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