i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
