Kiss
Puke
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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