No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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