So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
