My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
