How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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