Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize