I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Welp...herpes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
