I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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