how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
