I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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