The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
