evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
