btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize