sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
