Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
