i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
