I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
