I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
