I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
