Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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