haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
