mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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