im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
