They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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