There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
