Cold hands, warm shart.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
