Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
