Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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