do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
