ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
