I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize