Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
