thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
