Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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