the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
