Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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