He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize