She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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