I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just pynch a tree in the face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize