Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
barbara walters just said penis...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
