Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
