Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
