there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I did not marry a roomba.
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