Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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