You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
