Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
