3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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