too bad you live with your parents still
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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