....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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