That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
