Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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