the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They have beer where we have blood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
