I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
