my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think i got beer on your cat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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