i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
