just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
