we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
