Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
