Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
