fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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