You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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