I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
