I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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