...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
