last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
