I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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